i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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