i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
