oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FOUND THE LEGS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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