I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
