11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I died a long time ago.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
