whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
