I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
