he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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