THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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