Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
