Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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