a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
