thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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