I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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