I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this boner is exhausting
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
