1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
