my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
