His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
