Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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