my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
