Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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