Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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