1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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