I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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