Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
