You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
