he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
