So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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