this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
