PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
