I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
