If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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