Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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