So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
