so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
