i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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