I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
