i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the day after is always just damage control
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
