How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just invented taco cereal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
