You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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