I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
