hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize