I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
