Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
