Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
