I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found your dick twin last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
