My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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