I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im holly from the hills drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
