If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
