I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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