And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's always time for handjobs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
