I look better un-naked...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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