Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there is glitter all over my balls
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
