He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Two words: blizzard sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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