youre lurking in front of me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
