I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
