I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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