Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
