She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
