It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
