My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
