took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
