I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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