There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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