Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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