I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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