Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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