i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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