I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
