I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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