me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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