you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please come you make the beer taste better
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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