I must be too annoying 4 u.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize