i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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