i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
