so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
